I should probably begin by saying that aside from my semi-lactose intolerance and bad eyesight, I don’t have a medical condition as such. Rather, my ‘disease’ is one of my personality.
Indecisiveness. It’s a characteristic that seems to apply to so many of those in our generation – the frustrating inability to make a choice. The problem with indecisiveness, I believe it is not rooted in some weakness in character – like so many think. Indecisiveness is a problem with fear. It’s from an overly-cautious, fearful anxiety – the individual can’t make a decision because he or she is just purely afraid of the consequences that may follow.
Well this seems to be the case for my personal case. I am an extremely indecisive person and this seems to be the result of two things:
1. A fear of regret (a trait that is shared with many)
2. A fear of responsibility.
Although that last one is, admittedly, cowardly and incredibly immature, it seems to remain. The fear of having to take responsibility for your own actions, especially when you screw up is something verging on terrifying.
The problem is that my disease is now actually becoming significantly obstructive. As a child, it just meant that choosing that ice cream flavour took an extra two minutes. Apparently it’s becoming a bit more significant when I now have to choose (at the ripe old age of 16) what I am going to do for the rest of my life. What if I end up hating my job? What if I’m just bad at my job? What if I end up just being apathetic towards my life?
Anyway, that was my stream/rant on how I’m feeling at the moment. I guess you’ll just have to wait until the next angsty post, dear non-existent readers.